An end in sight

The end of what seems like a VERY long journey is just hours away.  It is hard to believe that I will finally be holding my baby girl, and our family will be complete.  The aches and pains in my body coupled with my Christmas morning like excitement is clearly not allowing me to sleep, but somehow this early morning I'm okay with that.

Christian and I tried to get pregnant for 11 months this time around; it was such a quick process with my little guy that I assumed it would be a similar situation the second time around.  I was sorely wrong. Those eleven months of trying were hard; its difficult to want something so bad and not be able to have it when you want it.  We were so happy when we finally conceived this little one.

This pregnancy has been so drastically different than my previous one.  I was so sick the first trimester, which made working quite difficult.  I also don't remember the exhaustion to the level it was this time around.  It's amazing just how tired I was each and every day.  It was all I could do to pull myself out of bed and get to work; all my energy went into getting through the work day with a smile on my face.  I was a bad mom those three months, having little to no energy to spend with my little guy.  We watched a lot of movies and shows on Netflix and I counted down the minutes to bedtime daily.

Thankfully there was an end to the first trimester hell, but with it came severe sciatica.  I did have this with Berkeley but not to the extent I had it this time around.  It crippled me from running at 3 1/2 months which was a pretty devastating blow.  I continued to exercise how I could but it was no where near what I needed mentally or physically.  I had to accept that this was also temporary and that I would be gaining weight that I didn't want, but it was going to be fine.  Luckily I know that I am an amazing person regardless of my weight and I have the confidence that I can attain goals related to health in the future.  I started seeing a chiropractor which was quite pricey, but without it I would have been unable to move.  It helped a lot and the last two months of my pregnancy, my pain was at a minimum and I was able to move without problems easily.

The third trimester came with its own set of challenges.  I always find it difficult learning how to deal with this new body that is so big and limiting.  Trying to play with Berkeley took on new challenges and sleeping really started to be a problem.  Most nights I was up for a good two hour stretch during the middle of the night and found it difficult to find any position to get comfortable.  The fatigue began to set in again and the whole "pregnancy brain"  became a very real thing yet again.  This came at a terrible time as I was in the mist of a job change and I felt like my memory made me look like an idiot all too often to my new co-workers.  I did however, find joy in all the movement of this little lady; she has been so much more active than her big brother ever was.  It has been nice to know that she is already such a lively little lady.

Near the end of my pregnancy my body became so worn down; I could feel way more aches and pains after my long work days.  I had hoped to work until the little lady came, but my body was telling me it had other plans.  While I planned to have this baby early, as most women follow the pattern of their first baby, this baby had other plans.  Berke was 2 weeks early, so I was ready at Thanksgiving to have this sweet babe.  I kept waiting and still nothing.  Here I sit, a week late and still have not had any major contractions.

I have learned that pregnancy kicked my butt!  It is really hard and I have so much respect for women who have more than 1 or 2 children.  I will be honest, I don't like being pregnant, it is not something I hope to do again.  But I will also say, that the gift that is about to be given after such a long hard road is totally going to be worth it.

Yesterday as we had our last "late" ultrasound I saw my little girl sucking her thumb so clearly.  It brought tears to my eyes and helped me remember why I have sacrificed all that I have.  I really do love being a mom!  I cannot wait to have another sweet child to take care of, to love and to share life with.  I am so incredibly lucky and blessed to be able to have carried this baby, and even though it was hard, it really is going to be worth it!

I now sit at my computer at this early hour, waiting for my family to wake up so I can begin working on the last of my nesting projects.  I will be going into the hospital this evening to be induced.  I am feeling scared, terrified of labor, excited to have my body back, looking forward to sleeping on my stomach, terrified of the pain of breast feeding again, exciting to hold and kiss this little baby, to see what she looks like, to watch Christian cry like a baby as he holds her for the first time, there are so many emotions (no wonder I cannot sleep)!

I am thankful for all the support I have been given my family and friend during this entire process.  Without the love, support and encouragement I would be insane at this point.  I cannot wait to introduce everyone to our baby girl this week!  Stay tuned, the best is yet to come.