My beautiful son, Berkeley was born on December 31, 2008. I remember feeling huge after he was born and was disappointed that the XL pajama pants I had bought for my hospital stay were too tight to wear. Taking care of my newborn was quite the task and he was my priority, not my weight loss. Having my son was one of the greatest things that has happened in my life, my weight gain was not. My maternity leave of 3 months came and went and I hadn’t done any form of exercise or changed any of my eating habits. It was time to go back to work; I desperately searched my closet for something to wear, anything besides the maternity clothes that I had been sporting for the last 6-7 months. Nothing fit. In a panic a week before work began I started shopping, I realized I was going to have to buy pants that would be the biggest size I had ever worn. I began trying on pants at the Dress Barn; that is exactly what I felt like, as huge as a barn. I managed to fit into a 16 Wide and swore to myself this would only be temporary.
Working full time made me feel guilty for spending too much time away from my son, so as soon as I would get home from work I spent as much time as I could with him before he would go to bed. By that time I was exhausted and would camp in front of the tv to watch Biggest Loser or Glee. I was back at work and my 16 Wides were not going anywhere. I found myself hating to have my picture taken, avoiding social outings because I lacked so much confidence. I needed help, but lacked to motivation or energy to do anything.
I have an amazing group of girl friends at work and during our lunch break we tend to talk about our shows and other various topics. We began talking about the Biggest Loser and decided we needed to do our own Biggest Loser club as all of us had some weight we would like to lose. Five of us decided to join and put $50 in the pot, winner takes all. We started at the beginning of May 2009; the plan was to weigh in every week on the scale in the bathroom. We all knew what each other weighed and our main goal was to support and encourage each other. This is exactly what I needed to get motivated and get my seriously large tush off the coach. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this, I felt I could change my diet, but the exercising would be difficult. I committed to it and the competitive side in me took over. These girls didn’t know this, but I am a girl that doesn’t like to lose a bet.
At the time I didn’t have a scale at my house so I had no idea, nor desire really, as to what I weighed. I held back the tears as I stepped on the scale and read the number 203. My body filled with anxiety, doubt and disappointment; how on earth did I let my self get to this point, was it even possible to lose so much weight. I knew one thing almost immediately, I did not want to stay at this weight for one more day. That was the day my weight loss journey really began.
I began the journey by changing the way and the things I ate. I tried to eat healthier foods, more fruits and vegetables, and cut out the junk. Changing the way I ate showed on the scale, but I was still having a difficult time trying to figure out how I was going to fit in exercise. I knew from past experience that weight loss will not continue if I don’t have both good eating habits and exercise.
One evening, I was sitting on the comfy couch after my son went to bed, watching The Biggest Loser. I watched as Tara, Helen, Ron and Mike, the final four of the competition, complete in a marathon. I was so emotional as I watched Ron, who couldn’t run due to problems with his leg, walk the entire thing. His determination inspired me; if this middle age man who was over weight can walk a marathon there is no reason why I cant take care of myself. I brought the idea to my ladies the next day; we all needed a reason to get to the gym. I proposed that we all train for a 5K in July; that way we would have something to work towards.
Somewhere around this time I had this huge “AH HA!” moment where I knew that I needed to take care of me. Yes, I needed to work to take care of my family, and I needed to spend time with my son when I got home, but I also needed to take care of myself. If I didn’t start taking care of myself then I wasn’t going to be able to take care of my son and family the way I wanted to. The time I had to work out was limited, I didn’t know what to do. I used to go to the gym right after work, because if I would go home first I would never get back out the door. That was not the solution at this stage in my life however, because that time after work was and is my coveted time with my baby boy. I thought about waking up early to go to the gym, but who was I kidding, I hate waking up in the morning and I could not be trusted to wake up to get to the gym. I knew there was a way, and it hit me. The time I spend after Berkeley goes to bed to watch my shows, relax, de-stress was going to have to change; this way my time to go to the gym. My plan was to go to the gym from 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. each night. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get back out the door after a long day, and that I was going to have to give up the shows that were near and dear to my heart; the very topics of my lunchroom conversations. I wanted to lose the weight, I wanted it more than these shows and so this was my time. I began heading to the gym 3 nights a week at 9:00 p.m.
I am not a runner, I am 5 foot 2 1/2 inches and I have short legs. I HATE running and swore to myself I would never do another 5K after the one I did in Louisville, KY. However, the 5K was the trick to get me back to the gym consistently, I had ran a 5K before and I could do it again. So I got on the treadmill, all 200 pounds of me. I started “running” at a 5.0 and I could feel what they define as a butt and thighs, jiggling up and down every step I took. I was really out of shape. My first time I made it a goal to run through one song on my ipod and I barely made it, but I did it; I made a goal and I accomplished it. I had 2 1/2 months to get ready for the 5K, I was going to spend all that time trying to reach that big goal. As I ran I felt like people must be looking at me as my body fat just wiggled out of control; I thought I must look like a jello jiggler, but nobody was watching and I kept running. The next week I increased to two songs and I accomplished that goal. I was not wonder woman, there is no question about that, but I was proud and committed to what I was doing; I really wanted to lose this weight and as I spent my late evening hours at the gym, I kept focused and determined to be healthy.
As I was doing well with my gym attendance and working up my endurance, there were other obstacles the continued to pop up. Things like pizza parties at work, potlucks with friends, a husband who liked to bring me home candy bars and thought he was being sweet. Somedays it was really hard to say no, and sometimes I said yes. Some weeks were bad and the scale showed it; but I tried not to let that get me in defeated mode, because once I am there it is a downhill spiral from there.
As the Biggest Loser Challenge continued some did well and other didn’t do as well as they wanted. One thing that kept me focused is my will to win; my friend Kelly was training for the 5K with me and we were showing the biggest numbers on the scale. I am grateful she was so dedicated to the weight loss cause because she kept me dedicated as well. Each day we’d check in about each others workouts and if she had gone to the gym and I hadn’t then I knew I had to go that night and vice versa.
The day of the big race came, and I am telling you it could not have been a more hot and humid day than that day. The race was hard due to the weather conditions but I finished. I was proud of myself and the other girls that had completed the race, we had worked hard and during our training the scale appeared to be rewarding us for our efforts.
To not lose focus I signed up for another the Susan G. Koman 5K about a month later; this kept me going to the gym. I realized if I am not working toward a goal my workout is not as meaningful and I don’t push myself as hard.
Our Biggest Loser Challenge came to an end at the end of October; I was thrilled to have lost 20 lbs during that period of time, and graciously accepted my award as THE Biggest Loser for our little competition.
It could not have been any better timing, because at the beginning of November my work started at at work Weight Watchers meeting. I felt like I was doing pretty well on my own, but I know the accountability of the weigh-ins would be good, plus I could use some new ideas and tips in my journey, so I joined. I have done Weight Watchers several times and the beauty of the things is, it always works if you follow the program. As I began doing the program, my whole world opened up to portion control; I had been eating sooo much food. The first week I thought I was going to starve to death, but luckily I did not. I started the program weighing 183 pounds, still a number I was not happy with and a number that was still much higher than my pre baby weight. As I followed the program of Weight Watchers I really began to develop a lot of great habits about eating and portions. I found that I was full after much smaller portions and I was still enjoying what I was eating. I found that I was eating out much less and when I did I was making healthier choices. Of course many weeks were good, but there were stumbles especially over Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I will be honest they were nothing in comparison to what would normally happen over those holidays. Even if I had a gain during a week, I refocused myself, which was not always easy, and started a new week.
I ran another 5K on Thanksgiving but felt like I needed something new to train and look forward to. I had no desire to run more than 5 miles, a goal that I accomplished in December 2009, so a 10K or 1/2 marathon was out. After talking to a girlfriend at work I decided I wanted to complete a triathlon. I am currently training to complete this goal in September 2010.
I have tried to lose weight many times, and it never works unless I REALLY want it for myself and can make that dedication to myself to stick with it. This is by far the longest I have stuck to a program/plan and is the most weight I have lost at one given time. After doing this nearly a year, I feel that I can continue on my journey for a new healthy and fit me because I have developed good eating and exercise habits that I want to continue.
This journey has not been an easy one, but it has been worth it. There have been nights I come home from a very stressful day at work, I spend time with my family and don’t want to go to the gym; times I just want to give up.
Here I am almost a year later and I have lost 50 lbs. I am proud of my journey and I want to share it. I want to be able to talk about weight and confront it face on. I hope to inspire someone to take their life and their health into their hands and not into the hands of food and tv. This is a struggle many people struggle with; I know I am not the only one. Those of us need to support each other and buoy each other up when we fall or feel discourage. If you fall, get back up. The process is long, it is hard, but the rewards are worth it.
Now I love to be in pictures with my son, I like to go out because I feel good about myself. I cant believe I bought a bike at the end of March and will training to complete a triathlon; I am not the same woman I was a year ago. I am a better person for going on this journey, a happier person.
This is me with the pants I was wearing to work a year ago.
NEVER AGAIN!
