The first year we moved here I was obsessed with the Boston Marathon; I was amazed at the athletes. At that point in my life I didn't think I could run over 3 miles tops, but I was a great cheerleader indeed. Marathon Monday is one of my FAVORITE days in Boston. The entire city is excited to go and cheer on the thousands of runners who train so hard through the winter. It is truly unifying and inspiring on many levels.
Since my first marathon watching experience, I myself have become a runner, not a marathoner (yet), but have developed a love of running in this great city. Often I run around the Charles River and am in awe that I live here and get to run surround by so much beauty. I have gained so much more appreciation for the time and dedication of all the marathon runners take to be able to complete such a task.
I remember running my first half marathon and how I realized how mentally challenging running was on top of the physical challenges. I was overcome with emotions when I crossed the finish line; feeling so proud of myself and a sense that I could do anything.
This year I was not able to be at the Marathon due to having important work obligations. I made sure to send my boys with our friends, because they had to represent and cheer for all these people who had worked so hard. I watched the start on TV with one of my patients as she reminisced about cheering her son in law on in the past. I get so psyched up for these runners and motivated for what runs I want to do for the year. I was super bummed to not be at the marathon this year.
I was at work when Christian texted me about the explosion. He kept sending me links and pictures and I was in shock. He and Berkeley and most of our friends had been watching at mile marker 19 about 7 miles away from the explosion; luckily they were all safe at home when the explosion occurred. The more I watched, the more I couldn't work. It was the same paralyzing feelings I felt when 911 happened except this time it was down the street and way too close for comfort. I had to leave work and be with my family. I drove home listening to press conferences on the radio and was so shaken. I ran into my home and hugged all three of my boys who were on the floor playing car city. We all embraced in a huge hug, even McDuff could feel the urgency of a family snuggle. I was never more thankful to be with my family all safe and sound.
I couldn't help but think of the poor runners who did and didn't get to finish and how mentally this would effect them. How it would effect the Boston Marathon's in the future. It made me want to get out and run as a statement to say, "Screw you!"to whom ever did this. My heart broke when I saw pictures of a sidewalk splattered with blood, where just hours before were happy people cheering on family and friends. I felt unsafe just driving on the road. I just wanted to be with my family, but I couldn't tear myself away from the TV, until I did.
Words cannot express the love Christian and I felt through the enormous amount of texts, facebook messages and likes that our family is OK. There were many calls and e-mails as well. So many people thought of us, and were worried for us, it was amazing the way they can reach out through social media to show their love and concern. I am still overwhelmed by the love everyone sent and still sends to us. I love how our close group of friends sent out a group e-mail to get a "head count" on everyone; every body responded so we knew our closest friends were all safe and sound. Even though we are physically okay, mentally we are fragile, as I'm sure many of you are. I cannot think of a way to really put into words how I feel; there are so many emotions and I find myself crying at songs, at the radio and watching the news constantly. I see pictures of that 8 year old boy and I reach for Berke and just hug him so tight.
Just after Berke was born I took him to his first marathon. I remember heading to the finish line in the afternoon with some friends to check out the action there. It was a bit shocking to think that 4 years ago I was close to where the tragedy hit yesterday; where many people took their children this year.
We are pictured with our friends Kate, and Berke's good buddy Soren.
(while I hate this picture of myself, I think it speaks volumes about the power of running)
Here they are again the following year at our normal viewing spot for the Marathon in Newton.
And yes, they were together watching the Marathon again this year.
For now I just pray and cry and that is how I am mourning this tragedy. I wish I could do more. But we are okay, we are together and luckily our friends are all okay. Our city is sad but strong; Boston is not a place for the week in heart. We will continue to be strong and love our families and neighbors.
I will also keep running, in honor of those who may not ever be able to again.
