Over the years, the medical community came to embrace hospice for bringing quality end-of-life services into the home, wherever home may be. Now, with the support of hospice professionals and volunteers, individuals may maintain control over their end-of-life choices. They do so knowing that hospice will support the patient and family in a multitude of ways.
When I graduated with my Masters in Social Work in 2005 from the University of Utah, I wasn't sure what I wanted to "specialize" in as a career. I decided I would take the next few years and try out a few different things and see what I liked. In 2003, once I earned my Bachelors in Social Work, I worked for the Division of Child and Family Services in Utah. I really enjoyed working with children, families and foster parents. I thought I would stay working with children throughout my career. As you know, sometimes life has a way of taking you on unexpected twists and turns to take you exactly where you need to be. Since 2005, I have worked with victims of domestic violence in various settings, with children aging out of foster care, homeless young adults, doing individual and family therapy, with elderly who are abused and/or neglected and finally with patients who are at the end of their life.
If anyone would have told me I would work for hospice in 2005 I would have not believed them. It never seemed to interest me and seemed way to sad and depressing. After working with the elderly population I realized how much I love working with the "old folks." They were way better than working with kids, but I just didn't love working with them in a setting of abuse and neglect constantly. That work really got me thinking about where I wanted to go with my career, and I decided I was interested in giving hospice work a shot.
For the past year I have been working as a hospice social worker, and I can say it is by far the most rewarding and fulfilling work I have ever done. I feel so honored to work with people who are at the end of life, to get to hear their stories, to assure them they are not alone, to help them find peace. It is a wonderful to be able to provide support to families who are facing the loss of someone so dear to them, to help them find peace and comfort in the process, to be a shoulder they can lean on when things get too hard. I gain so much peace and strength from the people I work with.
It has strengthened my testimony of an after life; I have had so many patients with terminal illness start seeing loved ones who have passed before them right before they go, either through dreams or visions. It is wonderful that these loving family members are coming to accompany them to the other side; it is absolutely beautiful.
People often say to me, "oh, I could never do that work." or "that takes a special person." I love my work; I am not afraid of death and look at it as a beautiful thing. Sure, at times I am affected by a patient's death, as I build relationships with these people very often before they pass and it is never easy to see them go. I however don't get depressed or gloomy over it, I am able to cope with it in a healthy way. I will say that this work does take a lot out of me emotionally, and there is rarely a day where I don't come home completely exhausted.
Since starting my job, death is constantly on my mind, as you can imagine. I am always worried that I will die before I get to see my beautiful boy grow up. I worry that he will be taken from me too soon. I worry that my husband will die, and I wont be able to handle life without him. It makes me think/worry a lot. Christian gets creeped out by how openly I talk about what I want when I die or become terminally ill. I tell him how I do not want to be resuscitated, how if I get badly demented to just stick me in a nursing home and visiting me 2-3 times a week. I tell him that I don't want a fancy coffin that costs thousands of dollars, but a simple wooden box like the Jews have. I want a beautiful wooden box that is painted by my friends and family. We talk about who we would want to have Berkeley if we were both to go unexpectedly. It really makes you start to think, to plan.
I would encourage everyone, no matter what age you are to do the following:
1. Choose a Health Care Proxy and have the form filled out. It is VERY simple and the form can be found on-line. A Health Care Proxy is somebody who will make medical decisions for you in the event that you are unable to do so. Be sure to tell this person what you want.
2. If you have children, make sure you have a will drawn up. You want to make sure everything goes where you want it to. So many times parents don't do this and I have seen many times the assets be lost even though that was not the intention. (for my friends in MA, I have a wonderful friend who is a lawyer who would be willing to do a will for you at a reasonable price).
3. If you are older, please start planning now. Be sure to talk with your children about what you want. I know it may be creepy but it is very important.
I hope you are not all depressed at this point. I just want to stress the importance of preparing, as you just never know. This week our 50 year old neighbor who is a nurse, died of a heart attack, leaving 3 teenage daughters and a devastated husband behind. We never know what God has in store for any of us.
Hospice work has really changed my life; it makes me love my family a little bit more, makes me live my life in a way where if something were to happen I would have no regrets. It makes me grateful for all the wonderful gifts and blessings I have been given. I hope you take time to do the same.
Parable of Immortality ( A ship leaves . . . )
by Henry Van Dyke - 1852 - 1933
I am standing by the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch
until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, 'There she is gone!
Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
'There! She is gone! ' ,
there are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :
'There! She comes!'
- and that is Dying.
